President
George W. Bush today announced a number of policy changes that
he hopes to present to Congress by next week Thursday. Meeting with the
press on Wednesday, President Bush along with his new advisor,
comedian,
"Dangerous" Donny Moore, presented a number of radical changes he would
like to see Congress pass during the next round of meetings.
Bush began by announcing a drastic change in his drug policy saying
marijuana should be legalized. "What's the worst crime a pothead's
gonna
commit? Bush asked rhetorically, "Break into a convenience store and
steal all the Twinkees." "Besides," added Moore, "a pothead would
break into a convenience store and probably forget why he was there in
the first place," drawing a
hearty chuckle from Bush.
Bush also called for an end to the "time out policy" many parents use
in disciplining their children. Bush said, "In my house we didn't have 'time
outs'
we had 'knockouts'." When a member of the press asked Bush if this meant
Bush was abused as a child Moore stepped in and said, "Hey I don't go to where
you work and unplug the Slurpee machine."
Many
in Bush's own cabinet question the logic of Bush's policy changes
and many point the finger squarely at Moore as the reason for
these changes.
The President first met Moore at Hilarities Comedy Club in Sioux
Falls, South Dakota in March of this year. Moore, a 17-year veteran of
the stand up comedy circuit, was unaware that Bush was in the crowd and
claimed, "I was just
doing my thing". Bush was immediately struck by Moore's "off the
wall
observations" and "wacky impressions". But what impressed Bush even
more was a
section in Moore's act wherein he announces a series of policies
he would introduce
if he were indeed president.
The president was so inspired by Moore's "bold initiatives" he
invited him to Camp David for the weekend to flesh out these ideas in more detail.
Vice President Dick Cheney said, "George came to me with the policy changes on
Monday and I told him I felt these policy changes were not in our best interest.
Bush said he didn't care and then Moore asked me where I bought my shirt.
Before I could reply he said, 'Walmart'."
Other
policy changes include the death penalty for elderly drivers who
forget to turn off their blinkers, an amendment calling for women
to stop
"hogging" all the blankets, and a tax on stupid people. Following
the press
conference Moore sold his "Clinton Sucks Monica Blows" bumper stickers
for five
dollars a piece. | 
